Cartoon – Importance of Collaboration
Tag Archives: Confidence
THREE C’S FOR LISTENING LIKE A LEADER
THREE C’S FOR LISTENING LIKE A LEADER
Listening is a vast ocean surrounded by empty beaches.
I’ve been paying attention to listening, both my own and others. You’re more likely to meet a red-crested tree rat* than to meet someone who actually listens.
5 reasons shallow listening is normal:
- Desire. Listening is such a bother.
- Ignorance. You might listen if you knew how.
- Time. Hurry up. The clock’s ticking.
- Energy. You don’t have energy to listen deeply.
- Discipline. On a list of “hard things to do,” listening is near the top.
Set the stage for deep listening:
Unfocused conversations feel like chasing chickens.
Establish conversational direction or you’ll end up exhausted and disappointed.
- What’s on your agenda today?
- What good thing might come from our conversation?
- What would you like to accomplish during this conversation?
- What’s important for you to bring up during this conversation? What’s important to you about that?
Three C’s for listening like a leader:
#1. Character.
#2. Calmness.
Breathe deeply.
Although listening takes energy, it requires a calm spirit.
Inner agitation blocks listening.
#3. Compartmentalization.
Set a fence around your listening space. You don’t have anything else to do except attend to the person speaking.
Explain time limits before you begin. Because listening requires rigor, you might need to set short-time limits.
After explaining limits, attend fully.
The character of a listening leader:
#1. Courage.
Churchill put it this way, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”
#2. Compassion.
“Compassion is the quality of having positive intentions for others. … It’s the ability to understand others and use that as a catalyst for supportive action.”**
#3. Confidence.
Insecurity seems to loosen tongues and close ears.
#4. Openness.
A closed mind lies behind closed ears.
Poor listening is a character issue.
What’s one thing you could do that would make you a better listener?
General Douglas MacArthur on Leadership
NEARLY 50% OF UPPER-LEVEL MANAGERS AVOID HOLDING PEOPLE ACCOUNTABLE
Nearly 50% of Upper-Level Managers Avoid Holding People Accountable
46% of upper-level managers are rated “too little” on the item, “Holds people accountable … .” (HBR)
You missed the point if accountability is:
- Coercing reluctance to do things it isn’t committed to do.
- Expecting performance from weakness. Accountability won’t help squirrels lay eggs.
- Punishment.
Accountability:
- Says we are responsible to each other.
- Expresses commitment. Those who aren’t willing to be accountable haven’t committed.
- Defines dependability. What’s more insulting than one unprepared person on a team filled with talent?
- Demonstrates confidence and self-respect.
- Sets the ground rules for respect and trust.
Accountability recognizes strength and honors performance.
Mutual accountability:
I’ve never been asked to lead a workshop on how to hold ourselves accountable. It’s always about others. That is the heart of the problem.
Accountability is something to work on together, not mandate from on high.
One-sided accountability:
- Leverages fear.
- Depends on carrots and sticks.
- Promotes disconnection and arrogance. Relationships disintegrate when leaders stand aloof.
- Invites resentment and disengagement.
- Dis-empowers those who need to feel powerful.
Mutual accountability:
- Requires leaders to go first.
- Demands respect-based interactions.
- Strengthens connection and relationship. We are responsible to help the people around us succeed.
- Honors integrity and courage.
- Gives opportunity for humility.
Jim Whitehurst, CEO of Red Hat, said, “Go into every interaction with those who work for you believing that you are as accountable to them for your performance as they are to you for their performance.”, and author of, “The Open Organization.”
Practice accountability:
Blurry responsibility leads to vague accountability. Vague accountability is no accountability.
- Who owns the project or initiative?
- Who makes decisions? The group. A project leader. Someone who isn’t in the room.
- What are the deliverables?
- What are the milestones and deadlines?
- What happens when deadlines are missed?
Complexity is like fog to accountability.
What might mutual accountability look like in your organization?
How might leaders lift accountability out of the category of punishment?
THE GIFTS OF LEADERSHIP: WHAT YOU REALLY DO FOR OTHERS
This morning, I’m thinking about gifts that touch us deeply and change us profoundly. I’m not thinking about a bottle of wine or tickets to a play.
The first gift leaders give is belief.
Doubt:
Doubt is a virtue.
You doubt rosy reports and projections. You doubt everyone who says, “Don’t worry.” You’re skeptical of unproven systems and untested people. Leaders believe cautiously.
If you’re smart, you doubt yourself a little. But a little doubt, like hot sauce, goes a long way.
Those who change us believe in us.
Belief:
Big sticks make bosses. But the tool of influence is belief.
The more you believe in someone, the more influence you have with them. The less you believe in someone, the more resistance they feel toward you.
Someone believed in you. Be that person for someone else.
Failure and belief:
Belief means most when it’s difficult to give.
Nothing says I believe in you like a second chance.
Believe when someone fails responsibly. (Responsible failure happens when someone gives their best and fails.)
A third or fourth chance – after the same failure – says you’re irresponsible. You should have changed something.
The gift of belief:
Leaders change us when they believe in us.
- Rely on someone today. Give them a small project with a short timeline if they’re untested. Belief says, “I’m counting on you.”
- Demonstrate confidence today. Everyone on your team knows more about something than you. Ask a question. Go with their answer.
- Respect someone today. Don’t judge them by who you are. See theirstrengths. A statement like, “You’re really good at taking responsibility,” says, “I believe in you.”
If people believe in you, teach them to believe in themselves.
What are some gifts leaders give others?
How might leaders demonstrate belief in others today?
Cartoon – How much confidence do you have in your cost projections?
HENRY KOTULA 